On an average day, after showering, coffee, feeding my kids, and kissing my wife goodbye, I head to the building my church leases and work in one of the interior offices that they graciously allow me to use. I share it with one other person who is in and out most days, so I spend a great deal of time by myself, plugging away on work for clients that I see maybe once or twice a year. Communication with those that I work for is through either Skype, email or one of many different project management softwares and the very rare phone call.
At times, this setup is how I like it because it allows me focus time.
But I also find it to be incredibly isolating. My literal office has no windows to the outside, so my virtual office windows are typically social media (which frankly, sometimes adds to the isolation instead of decreasing it).
In that isolation lately, it's led me to reflection.
When I was younger (read 20s), though never openly-stated, I had dreams and aspirations of becoming a well known designer, being asked to speak at conferences and teach techniques, and in many ways, being a leader in my field. But as each year passes, I realize those dreams were more for my ego than my well-being, more for my pride and selfishness than for the benefit of those I might help or care for each day.
As my reflection has continued, the question formed in my mind, "Am I okay with working hard each day and striving to use the skills I've honed and the talents and opportunities I've been given, but in relatively obscurity?" And as I wrestle with answering that honestly, I know that my response needs to be, "Yes." Maybe softly at first, perhaps even reluctantly, but hopefully growing to a resounding cry at some point.
I need "Yes!" to be my answer because my identity should not be tied to my work and what I do each day to earn a living. Invariably, it does time and again, so I need that question and that answer to keep coming up because I separate my identity from my work, I remember that it's found in Christ. Not because of something amazing I've done, but because He has called me his own. My worth, my value, my existence is found in His finished work on the cross of Calvary.
It's because of that truth that I can toil each day and leave behind my worries that nobody will care about it. In Him alone will I hide.